I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
false alarm, still single
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