I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
