he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
