Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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