areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????