i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
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I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Still dying that you shit outside
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.