Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.

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  (519): turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm. http://tfl.nu/078y
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.

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  (904): Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once. http://tfl.nu/hkfi
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  (512): View more from Texas

  in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"

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  (512): in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size" http://tfl.nu/ckqj
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

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  (267): Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too." http://tfl.nu/ac9x
  Replies (4) Good night (2544) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.

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  (954): I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure. http://tfl.nu/up4h
  Replies (11) Good night (2410) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic

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  (410): I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic http://tfl.nu/vj3a
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  She swung at the pinata with crutches

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  (440): She swung at the pinata with crutches http://tfl.nu/dkgf
  Replies (4) Good night (1704) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string

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  (403): I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string http://tfl.nu/a9dp
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.

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  (336): I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked. http://tfl.nu/3p22
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid

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  (+44): The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid http://tfl.nu/ks5z
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  (904): View more from Florida

  He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.

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  (904): He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer. http://tfl.nu/iriu
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  (213): View more from California

  I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...

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  (213): I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question... http://tfl.nu/p1j1
  Replies (8) Good night (954) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  It's a journey

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  And the destination is his penis?

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Precisely.

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  (907): It's a journey (1-907): And the destination is his penis? (907): Precisely. http://tfl.nu/ln5a
  Replies (2) Good night (1174) Bad night (282)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he has this weird thing where he watches me pee

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  (864): he has this weird thing where he watches me pee http://tfl.nu/0a5f
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.

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  (603): I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals. http://tfl.nu/uk0n
  Replies (4) Good night (389) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt

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