We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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