1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
