I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You dont lie about slip and slides
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
