Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
