just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
