Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
