So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
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to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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