PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
