I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
