i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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