he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
