I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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