don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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