Buhtt sex?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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