things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
