I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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