As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
