He had one of those small greek statue penises
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
