Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
