New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
