Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
