Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
home. puking in laundry basket.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
