I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We had to coat check the pizza.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
