i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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