Already got asked if we're dating
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
