Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
