How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
