Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My vagina just recognized that song.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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