I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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