i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
