it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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