I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
