I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
