my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
