I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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