He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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