Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
