he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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