i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
