I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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