youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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