in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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