it wasn't lemon gatorade
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
