Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
40s are totally the cure
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
