You just made me feel so damn special
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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