DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
