i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
