is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
