Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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