I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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