i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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