Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
