I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
