I accidentally had phone sex last night
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
